Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Side by side yet far from each other.

Side by side yet far away from each other. What does it take to make it closer, even though we're different?

Communication is key. Two people can be in the same relationship and yet see it in two different ways.

All may not be as it seems with a man

And some women challenge a man without him even being aware of it.

Different as we may be, who'll dare step out of their comfort zone and risk a relationship when too many things "seem" instead of showing off clearly?

The rewards we find beyond facades are worth while the rik, the time spent. It's hard finding someone to mirror who you trully are. So take a chance, wait, push - go for more! - and treat yourself to a beautiful surprise of finding someone else new underneath what "seems to be..."

Some time ago I started writing a blog because I was really upset and angry and frustrated and vengeful. Like a really ugly fucking package. I was angry at the complete lack of communication of some people. Ok, fine not some people. Men. Which always leads me to the eternal question: how in the hell can we be so different, us, women and men, in the way we communicate? Better said, in observing the details that lead to a good healthy communication. Like I’ve said many times before. I know we are different; we have to be otherwise it would be boring. I know we are raised differently, have different values in life, care for a variety of different things and so on. BUT. We’re all smart people, with a good perception of things and hopefully a good eye for details. Ok – add hopefully to everything! Let’s actually reduce it to simple common sense. Ok. Everyone has that, women, men, humans in general. Should have that! A decency of feelings that somehow pulls your sleeve and warns you when you are about to or have just fucked up stuff and you must do something to mend things.

Why must? Well, if you have ever been, personally, involved in a hurtful situation where a little gesture from someone would have helped you heal faster, do better, struggle less – then you probably might’ve/should’ve learnt a valuable lesson: that sometimes, one word, said at the right time can make a whole lot of a fucking difference in someone’s world.

Be brave enough to start a comversation that matters.

Let’s back up and start from the beginning.
If I wasn’t clear enough so far, this entry is about communication women vs men.

1. The simple questions. The complicated answers.
I’ve mentioned this before in another blog. And this is me right now, ok? I, at first, try to say things subtly. See if the man reacts. If he doesn’t, I mention it randomly for a while, maybe by repetition, he will get it. No. Then, eventually, I ask the question directly. Not like a bulldozer, but directly: Do you…? Usually these are the essential questions, the hard ones. The ones with meaning. Do you love me? Do you want to be with me? Why did you do that? Why do you feel you need to be so rude? Do you want babies? What am I doing wrong? And watch out! Why don’t you talk to me about it (whatever is going on)?

Alright, I get it. Most men are not into this open communication like most of us are. The “most” has to come in because sometimes women can be non-cooperative and men are actually the ones trying harder to understand. But with me and my relationships, I usually was the one to dig for the problem. Yes, it’s annoying when someone wants to know what’s bothering you and you perhaps feel you’re not ready to talk about it, don’t want to talk about it, can’t find the words, think you’ll be misinterpreted, think you might hurt me if you say some things out loud. But let me tell you. And again this is just me. If I ever bug a man about something when I feel it’s not right, I don’t do it to annoy him and to be in control. Like a freak wanting to know everything. No. If I want you to talk to me about what’s happening it’s because only by knowing I can help you. And help comes in many ways. Surprisingly, if you talk to me I might actually shut up and do nothing about it anymore because I understand what’s going on and you need your time away. Or, actually you, lovely, might realize you actually needed the talk. In a way, not communicating at all is selfish because you leave me worrying like mad and feeling powerless, wondering what the hell. Would you like that done to you? Plus, I very much appreciate a man who shows the least of interest in finding out what’s wrong with me. And no, I’m not the kind of woman to say “nothing” when obviously something is wrong. I will say “nothing” after I’ve tried to tell you a thousand times what’s wrong and you didn’t care to see or seek into it, so your question to the obvious pisses me off. But other than that, I’d love to share my burden. After all that’s why we’re together as opposed to alone, right?

The worst distance between two people is misunderstanding.

Yes, it’s true, I’m very good with words. I can always mould them to suit the purpose of the conversation. Is a skill, a talent not all people have. But that doesn’t mean that if you can’t express yourself the way I do, I won’t get it. Also, if you think whatever is going on might hurt me now, while it’s unspoken and most likely “rots” even further in your brain, when it will eventually come out it will stink even worse. It rarely happens for things to simply go away with no consequences if it was that bad in the first place.

Unexpressed emotions will never die. They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways.

One might also say, come on Mela, don’t tell me you’ve actually answered these questions just like that, to their face. Oh hell no! I have always minded my words until I was sure I understand the question, not because I wanted to give him the answer he wanted to hear. But to give him my answer and not hurt him with it, in as much as possible. My momma used to tell me that when I was little I would ask her random questions and perhaps to some she didn’t have the answer. So instead of brushing me off she used to say: “Well momma is not sure. But how about we find the answer together?” Or she’d say “Mommy is a little bit busy right now but she will make time and give you the answer.” In fact she was researching to find out what to say. But she always came back with that answer.

This is what I always did, since I started using my brain. And I started using my brain by making mistakes and being taught by those whom I’ve hurt what I’ve done wrong and how I can do better. Yes, experience isn’t a walk in the park. But, if I can learn, why can’t others? Giving the right answer takes a lot of energy and care for details. Takes a lot of understanding when it comes to the source of the question. So if I ask you something, it is because I want to know what caused the question in the first place. See? It’s a vicious circle. But let’s define the right answer. The right answer is the truth. Whether you say it in nice words, whether you embellish it so the shock is minimum, it should always be the truth. Because eventually it will come out of you one way or another.

Do you actually believe I have confronted some men in my life and thought they’d just fall to my feet and agree with me? It takes courage to say what you need to say, if you believe it will solve or clear a situation. Or even end a relationship. It takes me days, perhaps weeks to make sure it’s what I want to do, to make sure I am not wrong when facing that man with my dilemma, to make sure I have not misunderstood his behavior that led to my questions. And usually when I finally go for it, I choke and I become highly emotional, but I trust I need that info so much that I’ll make it through the whole thing eventually.

Never take someone’s feelings for granted. You never know how much courage it took them to show it.

That stuff you see in movies when a guy or girl cheated on his/her mate and the aftermath goes: they sit on the side of the bed and she asks “Why did you do it?” and he goes “I don’t know. I… (explanation good or bad, truth or lie)” and she goes “Fine”. Then she gets up and leaves and then they somehow find their resolution together or alone - is the peaceful way to communicate. Usually we just cry and yell. That is also another way to communicate. But silence never is. Silence is the only form of communication that is highly interpretable.

The biggest communication problem is we do not listen to understandWe listen to reply.

A good friend of mine had a stupid argument with his girlfriend a few days ago. He calls me to ask my opinion on it. Was it his fault? She had asked him to drive her home even though she knew he didn’t have the time to help her. Eventually, he agreed to do it, but he wished she had not asked knowing that he’d be late for his appointment. But he does it anyway. On the way, she sensed his reluctance and said, fine if you’re in such a hurry, drop me here and I’ll take the bus. He said, it’s ok, I said I’ll do it so I’ll do it. Obviously tension rises. She continues saying no really, just drop me here, obviously you’re very unhappy with this. He just went silent because he considered there was nothing else to say once he already was half way there and she knew of him being late and should have offered to let him go in the first place. Of course she took his silence like gas on fire so she started bitching at him even worse. Imagine all the men reading this going “Fuck yeah. What the hell else was there to say? He already told her he’s getting her there, even though he’s gonna be late. He has the right to be mad and she should shut up if he does it anyway.” I agree. In fact I think she should’ve dropped it out of the first, or if he did do it, she should’ve been nice and said “Now I’m sorry I made you do this ‘cause you’re so tense. I hope you’re not gonna run too late for your appointment.” A kiss would’ve helped too. A smile. BUT, from his side (I hope I’m not asking for too much gents!), he should have calmed down a bit (someone has to show some maturity!) and not go silent. Just say, plane and calm “Don’t worry, I said I’ll get you there, it’ll be fine.” It’s called reassurance and it works miracles! Of course he’s still mad, but at this point it can only go worse so an attempt to at least keep it here is the only way to not blow the fuse. It’s such a common and simple situation yet it can be so devastatingly poisonous for days. And for what? Because the communication sucked. Yes, one person has to sacrifice even when they are right! It shows maturity and self control and if it doesn’t benefit the relationship then, believe me, it benefits you, personally on the long run. But we have to move on. There’s too much to say and this is a blog, not a friggin’ novel!

10% of a conflict is a difference in opinion and 90% is due delivery and tone of voice.

2. The “dark side”
Darlings, what is that? Can you definite it to me in words? Because if you can’t even properly definite it, then you can’t use it. So let’s see. Is it about being selfish, cruel, self centered, uncaring, violent, maniac, psychotic, hurtful, introvert, stubborn, addicted to negative thoughts, strong feelings of being misunderstood, being a loner, thinking of death, being disappointed, unmotivated, having lost purpose of life, thinking “what if I hurt myself today, would someone even care?” What is the dark side for some men?

Every person has a dark side. What defines a person with good character is not a spotless life of constant kindness, smiles and even temperament – but a willingness to see within their their deepest and wildest selves, lust, greed, jealousy and envy. That means truly knowing your authentic self.

I hear this more often that I should, it’s becoming more of a fashionable excuse to: back off from someone telling them you’ll hurt them with your “dark side”, to be left alone, to look cool and mysterious, to overly exaggerate a state of mind or spirit. Well, as I said, unless you can define it, how can you properly conclude it will harm or hurt someone else when you don’t even know what it means or does to you? That in itself can be a cause to harm someone. It’s like having a grenade in your hand and you’re toying with it, threatening people you’re gonna blow it – with actually no intention to do so, until unwillingly you actually do. Usually by mistake and usually not even knowing how you did it. And usually hurting a lot of people.

I know that for most people, half of the stuff I enumerated there seems pretty dark and bad as it is. You know – ‘cause it’s bad being selfish and all that – but, the incredible part about it is that everyone is! Does that make us all a part of a Dark Cult? Don’t get pissed at me now. I too believe my own shit is worse than everyone else’s and that somehow I am unique through my pain, my struggle and my frustration. When in fact half of the people in the world go through the same thing on a daily basis. And, even more incredible, half of that list right there is actually curable. When some say they are “dark” and hurt people unintentionally through their “darkness”, seems to me like they still can’t figure out what exactly is “wrong” inside them. It could be the loss of someone dear, it could be that they are not surrounded by the right people to show them there is actually much “light” inside them. You do know it is true that we take after the people we have as friends and lovers and they can influence you one way or another, especially if you’re not already well aware of who you really are. Take a guy who has a girlfriend who’s more into dating cool mysterious guys, that emanate that kind of bad guy attractiveness. Maybe the guy has that in him, we all have our bad ass things in us, more or less visible, but that’s not the main thing about him. But if she encourages him to stay on that side of his personality he’ll end up believing that’s who he really is. The main shareholder is a bad ass guy. When perhaps he is a gentle man at heart, who is calm and serious and loves to have fun and only be a bad guy when necessary. And at some point, having earned this kind of legacy he starts dating another girl who resonates with the other part of his personality and he becomes confused. He will think she is too nice and innocent and he can hurt her because he’s actually a bad guy. When in fact, she is showing him another way for him to be. Perhaps healthier, better matched to who he really is. That is one scenario of the dark side.

Knowing your own darkness is the best method to deal with other people’s darkness.

Another scenario is when that man is quite introverted (in most cases you can’t tell from outside; they’re nice and charming, not very communicative yet very bright and they catch on fast on details that other wouldn’t – that’s the first sign of them being inner-self oriented. They take their time and observe people from behind their charm!). So despite having many friends, actually very few if none know what’s happening inside that man. They are very tough to read even though you think they’re so nice and fun loving. It’s hard for those people to meet someone who will gain their trust so much that they will reveal themselves as they truly are, the whole package. Usually their other self is someone hurt, misunderstood when young, different, a bit of a rebel, someone who thinks of himself as a “silent” person whose thoughts and “way of being” might be thought of as “quirky and weird” if exposed – so a hand full of things not necessarily bad. But unaddressed and without proper communication they tend to take over and be expressed as the dark side. I know this very well, because it represents me in many ways. I feel that many of my thoughts would be easily misinterpreted because they are different so I rarely speak of what I truly think or feel. People closest to me have but a glimpse of what’s going on. It becomes a burden at some point, not being able to take it out somehow, like a cluster that gets so tangled and overwhelming that it’s even harder to take out. It turns into what I really call a dark side. Of course you feel that is something that would affect your relationship. It feels like there’s too much to say and explain to make that person really understand what you’re made of. The cluster is so big, sometimes you can’t even see past it yourself. So usually you resort to being with someone who’s not really interested in connecting with you at that deeper level that you fear (or you let them believe they do so they never dig deep enough). They just like the charming surface, the sex, the companionship, the fun you bring. After all, a true dark side always transpires in a way; it does come from a rebel attitude! And you know what they say: rebels are attractive when they’re good, but they are deadly hot when they are bad.

We’re all looking for someone whose demons play well with ours.

3. Forget dark side. How about the approach?
But what if a “dark side” guy met a girl who is just like him? Will he trust it that she can understand his dark side or will he see her sweet innocent display, just like his charming fa├žade and not past it? Well, with me it happened that he didn’t. And yes, we didn’t have enough time together. Time is always of the essence when real dark sides are involved. They are matters of soul, of inner struggle and they require a deeper communication and an incredible level of trust. But I do believe, even when time is short, some of the pain can be avoided through simple caring. How do you care? By opening your eyes to the untold things.

The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.

Then again when do you care? When you are actually and realistically interested in that person I guess. That’s the only time when you feel like putting in a little extra effort and attention to the little things that could make the difference in between strengthening or breaking a relationship. Or even between leaving a relationship as friends who share a good loving understanding of each other or as wounded strangers left with unanswered questions and frustration. Unfortunately, most of us, don’t end up marrying the first man or girl we date so think if all our former BF or GF had behaved so inconsiderately, we’d be a wreck by now. I am saying: sometimes, your dark side, as real as it may be doesn’t not excuse your lack of empathy and kindness to even attempt into helping someone get over you nicely. When it is all over she/he would be grateful you did it and will look up to you as a person, beyond having enjoyed you as a lover. It’s a soulful and meaningful way to communicate and express a different kind of love than you had as a couple. It’s human. But if you set your eyes on someone new or simply go back to an old love and you feel like leaving your girl/man behind really fast to move on, then your dark side is not to be blamed for the damage you cause. You are. Your attitude and approach to the situation. Your conscious decisions, your lack of courage to give closure. Because you want to get away, consider have nothing else to say so simply vanishing is the way to go next.

Save the excuses. It’s not about “having” time or “finding” the courage. If it matters you’ll have that time and you’ll find that courage.

So at the end of the day, if you care, you’ll do something about it.

Of course, third scenario that comes to my mind is that the dark side could also be plain bullshit. And that should explain it all (that was short!) I have just one quote for this one:

A little girl seeks revenge. A real woman moves on while karma does the dirty work for her.

... So ...
Please. Talk. Even when it’s hard.

Communicate. Even when it’s uncomfortable and uneasy. One of the best ways to heal or stay strong is simply getting everything out. Because if you live in silence and fear of consequences, you’ll be as alone in a couple as you’d be alone on your own.

Be careful what you say. Sacrifice even when you shouldn’t if you think that person is worthwhile. One word can change an entire situation. Can bring hope, can heal, can make friendships last despite failed relationships. Can make you better people. To talk you must know. To know you must ask. And if you don’t want to ask, at least investigate and be mindful of the details. We communicate through more than words. A gesture, a look, a gift, someone’s continuous presence at your side, they’re all signs. Don’t get rid of people when you want to move on. At some point someone will want to move on, on you and you’d like them to be gentle. Hurt them once, but don’t hurt them twice with the same thing. And don’t just go silent as means to get rid of someone. “If I don't answer the phone and her emails and whatnot, she’ll eventually stop.” If she was worthwhile and she’s still a good person but you just don’t want to be with her anymore, better explain that instead of ignoring her. It will be the difference between letting her go in pain or sad, but at peace. Ah! And please don't think lines like "I don't want to lose you either" right at the end of a breakup have sweetened things (valid for both of us gents and ladies! This shit has to mean something because it leaves people hanging!) It's like standing in the door. You know what they say: you want to step into my life, the door is open. You want to leave my life, the door is open. But don't stand in the way. You're blocking the traffic!


.Be gentle but don’t be silent.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

True Love as it Happens.


Humans

Will Smith said recently:
"I was a guy who, when I was fifteen my girlfriend cheated on me and I decided that if I was number one, no woman would ever cheat on me. All I have to do is make sure that no one’s ever better than me and I’ll have the love that my heart yearns for."


So what is True Love and what motivates us to find it?

What do we expect it to be like and what are we willing to sacrifice for it?

Are you true to yourself or does the pressure and rules of society influence you when it comes to love?

These are all questions I have asked myself in time. To most I found the answers by trial and error for which I have no regret. Nothing from what a book, a close family member or friend can tell you, ever really makes sense until you don’t experience it yourself. And one thing stands true as far as I’m concerned: true love is difficult. Difficult to find; difficult to control as it is overwhelming; difficult to trust as it is too good to be true. Difficult to live without yet difficult to not want. Still, as difficult as it may be, True love is exceptionally beautiful!

True love must never be regretted. A lot of people live by the concept that true love must be/is unique and forever. I have come to conclude that sometimes true love happens for more than one reason and more than once. And every time is unique due to the why it is there for. Sometimes it comes along to simply show you it exists and to prepare you for a maturity of feelings, so when it comes to visit you again, you can recognize it and appreciate it at its true worth.

Like when we’re young and blindly in love. Some believe that young love should not be considered as we were “young and stupid. What did we know of love? We were kids.” Like Will Smith, right? I believe we are a kind of “grown up” at each stage in our lives. We were mature enough as children taking on the responsibilities of that age. Homework and friends and trying to not piss mom and dad off by taking the unnecessary risks they had always warned us of. We were smart enough to perhaps not date violent men, get pregnant and drop out of high school when we were teens. That’s also a different kind of maturity. We were level headed enough to perhaps start smoking in college but not do drugs. So why can’t we get credit for being mature and smart enough to love like no other when we were young? Younger and more pure at heart, taken aback by love, infatuated with the very idea of it. It’s that kind of exhilarating feeling that you get once in a life time, when all rules can be bent, nothing seems impossible and air wouldn’t taste the same without that man/woman next to you. And if sometimes it goes away, it is because we grow up even more. Because sometimes people need to find who they are first and they must do it on their own. Maybe some need to do it at a slower pace, but that doesn’t mean that their road to maturity made their feelings invalid and childish. This kind of young true love makes you acknowledge the limits of your power to love, just because you went at it so mindlessly and stretched them to the max. It shows you the boundaries you can cross, the inner fears you can face, the compromises you’re willing or unwilling to take. The measure of time you allow yourself to feel „it’s right”. The wisdom to simply recognize if „it’s there or not” without much confusion. Sometimes, true love comes as a lesson before true love actually settles in and we will be ready for it then. Just think: you’ll never love again like you did years ago, but secretly, you enjoy the random butterflies a new boy/girl brings in your tummy right before your mind takes over and controls everything. Growing up comes at a cost.

Of course, as usual, I am talking from personal experience not form books and Google search. I loved when I was young (about 21) and I am grateful I did because when it was gone I realized how intensely and whole heartedly I can love someone. It’s like a universe of feelings, so scary and so beautiful at the same time; I would not have it any other way. As I grew up I started mistrusting my own experience because more logical reasons took over. I calculated more than I felt, I mentally concluded what is right or wrong instead of trusting what I “saw” with the eyes of my soul in a person. And then I got married and I realized this whole logic/feeling mixture theory was a mistake. I must love like I know I can love and no other way. No other way. Being in love, being a strong couple and good partners in everyday life, respecting and caring is not enough. Not in the beginning. That man must be the universe of your feelings and from that everything else will follow. If not, then your brain will rule your relationship instead of your feelings. Not that I am saying there shouldn’t be a balance between the two. Think of love as of thick golden honey. It will glue you two together while inside you, it will smoothen your edgy thoughts, your anger, your impatience and misunderstandings, corroding them enough, slowing them down enough, melting them down when they are not worth while so when they come out of you, they are sweeter, no matter how mad you thought you were or how bad the situation is involving your loved one. Love is there to make it better.

Which brings me to the definition of love. I’m 32 years old and I still haven’t put the entire puzzle together, but I will try to define love through my eyes. Before anything let me just say that I am one of those people, like my psychology professor used to say, a person who asks questions they will never get the answers to. So you might not be able to relate to my definition as it is most likely less practical and more philosophical.
Love is something I could never put my finger on but that I’ve always known I’d recognize when I’d see it because I have wanted it all my life. However it comes to me. And I believe that if we want something badly enough, we can call it to us. Sometimes we don’t get lucky that way, but I would not give up the fight. Love frightens me sometimes, because if it’s true, it comes unexpectedly. I cannot see it and it usually springs from corners of my life I would have never suspected to hold such surprises.  This kind of love makes me powerless which I hate as I always like to be strong facing my own feelings. But then again, this is where its beauty lies. If a man can get me weak in the knees and takes my sleep away, then he must be stronger than I am, different and captivating. And I don’t mean the excitement to meet someone new. No. I mean that kind of mental connection that pisses me off because I can’t control it, because it stops me from deciphering him, from building myself out of knowing him so that from behind those safety walls I observe and decide what to do next.

That man who can prevent me from building these walls because I’d be too busy bringing his down would be worthwhile my time. I love with my brain first, that’s the truth. If that happens, then the rest is history. So love to me means mirroring myself into someone else and receiving what I give. When I love, I should only fear losing it, nothing else.

Love is a purpose in my life that is why I will never settle for less than what I want, deserve and give.

Animals

As I said, we should celebrate love in all its forms and animals make no exception. After all, they do not read surveys of “10 things you need to know about a real relationship” or “15 signs you’re man is cheating”. Even better, right during courtship none of these “ladies” ever read the Cosmopolitan Special “Things that tell you he is in love with you”. I’m sure there’s a hormone somewhere in their bodies or a love pattern genetically transmitted through the ages that makes them choose one partner out of the many on display.

Perhaps we like to call it evolution or simply “animal behavior” and diminish the value of their mating games but we are not all that different. The ladies still look after big strong males, colorful plumage, intricate dance routines or nest building skills (some free food also helps! haha) and we know they enjoy a good male fight over their rights to procreation. And the gents are still after the ladies who “show it off” monkey style or the ones who ignore them and play hard to get. But usually, they just know.  

So in more ways than just one they are like us and with them too, some relationships are formed for life. Beyond their primary instincts and the basic want to procreate, love in its animal form is a need. A need for companionship, safety and survival. So for February 14, here are 14 animal couples that chose to walk the long path together, with their ups and downs. Just like us J

Gibbons
Gibbons are the nearest relatives to humans that mate for life. They form extremely strong pair bonds and exhibit low sexual dimorphism, which means that males and females of the species are of roughly equal size, a testament to the fact that both sexes are on relatively equal footing. The coupled male and female will spend time grooming each other and (literally) hanging out together in the trees. But more recent research has found that these unions are not quite as uncomplicated as once thought. With mates occasionally philandering, and even sometimes dumping a mate, the gibbon mating culture has started to look perhaps a little bit more like ours.

Swans
Swans form monogamous pair bonds that last for many years, and in some cases these bonds can last for life. Their loyalty to their mates is so storied that the image of two swans swimming with their necks entwined in the shape of a heart has become a nearly universal symbol of love. Why birds mate for life isn't as romantic as it first appears, though. Considering the time needed to migrate, establish territories, incubation, and raising their young, spending extra time to attract a mate would minimize reproductive time. 

Black vultures
Good looks are not a prerequisite to a faithful relationship. In fact, black vulture society makes sure of that. They have been known to attack other vultures that have been caught philandering!

French angelfish
You're unlikely to ever find a French angelfish alone. These creatures live, travel and even hunt in pairs. The fish form monogamous bonds that often last as long as both individuals are alive. In fact, they act as a team to vigorously defend their territory against neighboring pairs.

Wolves
Often portrayed as tricksters and con artists in popular folklore, wolves have a family life that is more loyal and pious than most human relationships. Normally, packs consist of a male, a female and their offspring, essentially making wolf packs akin to a nuclear family.

Albatrosses
An albatross may fly great distances over the oceans, but despite its extensive travels, this bird will always return to the same place — and the same partner — when it's time to breed. Pair bonds between males and females form over several years and will last for a lifetime, cemented through the use of goofy but affectionate ritual dances.

Termites
In an ant colony, a queen mates once with the male(s), stores the gametes for life, and the male ants die shortly after mating. In contrast, several species of termites can form lifelong pair bonds between a female "queen" and a single male "king" who literally give birth to their entire kingdom.

Prairie voles
Although most rodents have a reputation for promiscuity, prairie voles break the trend, generally forming monogamous pair bonds that occasionally last a lifetime. In fact, the prairie vole is typically cited as an animal model for monogamy in humans. They huddle and groom each other, share nesting and pup-raising responsibilities, and generally show a high level of supportive behavior.

Turtle doves
There's a reason that turtle doves come in pairs of two in "The Twelve Days of Christmas." These emblems of love and faithfulness have even inspired poetry in Shakespeare, being the subject of his poem, "The Phoenix and the Turtle."

Schistosoma mansoni worms
They may not offer the conventional image of love, but these parasitic worms are usually far more faithful than the humans they inhabit. As unromantic as it sounds, they cause the disease schistosomiasis, also known as snail fever. When they reproduce sexually within the human body, they form loyal monogamous pair bonds that typically last the entire cycle.

Bald eagles
They are the national emblem of the United States, and when it comes to maintaining relationships, bald eagles soar much higher than the country they symbolize. Bald eagles typically mate for life, except in the event of their partner's death or impotency — a number far lower than America's divorce rate, which now exceeds 50 percent.

Beavers
Beavers stay together for the kids. Not only are these loyal creatures faithful to their mates, but they’re also devoted parents. Dads don’t just go off to build dams and whatnot while moms stay at home raising the kits; both male and female beavers take an active hand in bringing up their offspring. And once those kits reach about 2 years of age, they go off to find true love of their own, and the beautiful cycle of monogamous beaver love continues.

Shingleback Skinks
When these slow-moving lizards enter into a committed relationship, they’re really in it for the long haul. Once a male sees a female he likes, he’ll begin to follow her, sticking by her while he courts her by gently nudging and licking her. This can go on for months before the pair even copulates. (We’re not sure how many dates that counts as, but probably a lot.) Once their bond is formed, a couple will seek each other out to mate again every breeding season. They may stay together for 20 years or longer. And when a shingleback skink dies, its surviving partner will remain by its mate's dead body for days, tenderly nudging it, perhaps trying in vain to revive it, or perhaps simply grieving

Barn Owels
When barn owls choose each other as mates, they stick together until death. That’s terribly romantic. Their mating rituals, however, are a little more aggressive than what most of us think of as typical romance. A male barn owl initiates courtship with showy display flights and a lot of loud yelling and whistling. Then they hover around the chosen female until it’s time to mate. They’re kind of like the loud, obnoxious juiceheads you can find at any trendy bar or club. But hey, some people are into that. Who are we to judge? At least the barn owls, once they hook up, never cheat.

Tree Sparrow
American tree sparrows are monogamous (one male mates with one female). Males and females form breeding pairs after they arrive at the breeding sites in the spring. Both males and female sing to attract a mate. Females become excited when males come to sing nearby. They call back to the male, making a "wehy" sound. Males may show off for females by spreading their wings and fluttering them or darting to the ground in front of the female, then flying back up to a perch.

I will conclude with a few random pictures from the animal kingdom that are self explanatory.
Love much,
(: Mela :)