Monday, October 31, 2016

Monkey Style


In weekend s-a facut un an de la Colectiv. Da, nici mie nu imi vine sa cred. Eram in Teambuilding la Sinaia cand am auzit asa in treacat de un incendiu in Bucuresti. Cred ca a sunat-o pe Carinus - colega mea de camera – a sunat-o sotul, relativ agitat ca uite ce se intampla si sa avem grija. Nimeni insa, prinsi cu petrecerea de Halloween, nu a ralizat cat de tragica este de fapt situatia. De abia a doua zi, spre final, ne-au parvenit si noua detaliile critice. N-am crezut ca ochii mei vor vedea asa trupuri arse, distruse, carbonizate, asa cum erau baietii aia cu blugii topiti, revarsati la intrarea din vagonul mortii.

Am vazut treaba asta prin atatea filme, la atatea stiri, peste tot in lume. Dar, never close to home. Dar chestia asta, nu a fost doar close to home, a fost closer to home din mai multe puncte de vedere. Lasa, ca s-a intamplat in Bucuresti, e una. Dar ca se putea intampla oriunde chiar si mie, e alta. Mi-am dat seama cu stupoare ca mi-am petrecut facultatea in discoteci din astea „cusca” si ca niciodata nu mi-am pus problema, dar daca... Mergeam la Venetia, 90% din timp. Localizata in pasajul din fata magazinului Dumbrava din Sibiu. Nu exista nici o fereastra. Nu stiu daca mai exista vreo usa in afara de aia de la intrare, care si aia tot mica, inghesuita cu o antecamera la fel de mica si inghesuita, nu ar fi putut face fata unui val de oameni disperati.

Nu cred c-am iesit in strada atunci pentru ca brusc, ne-am dat seama ca puteam si noi muri de cativa ani incoace, macar odata pe luna. Am iesit din soc. Socul ala care ne readuce la starea initiala de umanitate. Aia care iti trage o palma peste bot si iti arata cu degetul; fraiere, si tu puteai sa mori si este foarte naspa. Ai fi aratat ca dracu si in urma ta s-ar fi dezlanuit un iad, ca-ti lasai familia in disperare. Si da, se intampla langa tine, foarte aproape de tine.

Ce politica, ce religie, ce nimic. Am iesit din confuzie si din frica. Frica instinctuala de pieire. E pacat ca a trebuit sa moara niste oameni sa ne enervam indeajuns cat sa dam iama in politicieni sa nu se mai ia spaga pentru autorizatii. Sau sa fie promulgata Doamne iarta-ma, legea anti-fumatului in locuri publice. In saptamana aia ni s-a sugerat frumos si delicat ca suntem anarhisti, ca vrem sa dam jos puterea politica. Nu ne mai placea nici de Daniel, Prea-Sfantul. Eram scapati de sub control.


Pai da. Ca noua mancand, ne-a venit foamea. Am inceput sa ne clarificam vreo doua lucruri in cap. Am inceput sa fim putin mai coerenti in cereri. Atitudinea si reactia Bisericii Ortodoxe la momentul respectiv a fost desecrabila. Trebuie sa ai un cabinet de PR extrem de cretinel sa nu te traga de maneca, business wise, si sa iti spuna ca nu e bine sa vorbesti de draci si satanisti si posedati unei multimi inraite care isi deplange mortii. Ca nu e asta momentul propice sa te tii de morala. Ii lamuresti tu dupa aia, cum sta treaba cu bolnavii astia de metalisti. Dar acum, misca sutana la fata locului si fa ce iti zice la manual. Roaga-te pentru supusii Lui, cere iertare pentru ei, pacatosii, fa o cruce, trimite ganduri bune, de pace si liniste oamenilor alora care urlau Tatal Nostru mai tare decat va urla difuzorul de la Nemantuirea Neamului si atat. Ei in schimb au stat acasuca, au dat cu nuiau si dupa aia s-au trezit cu mesaje pe usi de la enoriasi sa se duca sa isi colecteze sfestaniile in alta parte ca nici la noi pe frunte nu scrie „prosti.”

Acum aflu, ca odata cu alegerile s-ar lucra la un referendum in baza caruia sa se promulge legislatiia care sa nu permita casatoria de acelasi sex. Hai sa sarim toti in picioare si sa vociferam vehement cat de scarboasa este treaba asta. De parca sta careva dintre noi la fundul lor sa le lumineze calea.

La baza acestei minunate initiative, sunt cele 3 milioane de semnaturi adunate impotriva unui astfel de act barbar. Biserica (evident!) zicea asa:

”Este o iniţiaţivă civică pe care fraţii noştri care iubesc familia creştină ar dori să le-o prezinte celor care conduc destinele acestui neam şi să scrie acolo în Constituţie că familia creştină are la bază codul familiei din Sfânta Scriptură – familia este tocmită după rânduiala lui Dumnezeu – bărbat şi femeie. De aceea, dacă veţi găsi tineri studenţi care o să vă roage să semnaţi, vă îndemn cu încredere pentru că, dacă nu mă înşel, nu ştiu dacă nu săptămâna trecută, nu ştiu dacă nu Grecia, a fost îngenuncheată în sensul acesta. Suntem un popor cu mult mai mulţi credincioşi şi de aceea să-L rugăm pe Dumnezeu să păzească familia binecuvântată în faţa sfântului altar al neamului nostru. Aici aţi venit frăţiile voastre şi părinţii domniilor voastre – bărbat şi femeie”, a spus ÎPS Ioan in 26 decembrie 2015.

Presupun ca in cele peste 3 milioane de membrii ai unei "familii crestine" nu se va intampla niciodata ca un copil sa vina acasa sa le spuna ca e gay. Si brusc toata mostenirea lor, tot ceea ce sunt ei in viata, va fi anulat – de ceilalti 2.999.999.

Ca orice "barbat si femeie" care se bat, se abuzeaza, se insala sau decid sa nu aiba copii, si homosexualii fac un cuplu ca oricare altul. Da, ca oricare altul. Vor fi copii din familii "crestine" care cresc cu traumele unor parinti dusi cu capul, care i-au adus pe lume ca sa completeze lista „crestina, civica si sociala” conform normei, cand de fapt sunt prea preocupati de dramele propriei persoane sau propriului divort si la fel vor fi copii crescuti fara un simt al echilibrului din cauza ca ambii parinti sunt "tata". Asa ca sa facem un foarte scurt sumar al situatiei de fata. Si atunci care e diferenta? Legea lui Dumnezeu?

Pai sa ne gandim. Suntem toti creatia lui Dumnezeu, da? Adica asa ne-a vrut El. Ia sa vedem. In natura animalele se cupleaza femela cu mascul. Da. Si in natura exista femela strut care isi lasa barbatul cu ochii in soare sa cloceasca ouale in timp ce ea mai furnizeaza un mostenitor in alt cuib. La fel cum exista si calutul de mare „gravid” singur cuc, mamica devotata. Si mai avem, in marea majoritate, femele care raman singure si cresc copii fara sa-si mai vada vreodata consortul.  Ei da! Mai exista si specia aia rara care si-o trag lor insile. Am scris corect gramatical? Da, aia care sunt si femela si mascul. Aia care se sexualizeaza singuri, se insarcineaza singuri, fac copii singuri si si-i cresc. Se numesc hermafrodite. Da, tot Dumnezeu le-a creat si pe alea. Si pe alea care au "apucaturi" gay. Capre exhibitioniste, leii care omoara puii altora cand preiau „turma”, gainile rosii care au harem de „barbati”, pestele pescar care isi mananca barbatul ca poate fi fecundata doar din stomac. Treburi de astea.

Da, nu e normal ce se intampla. Dar exact cine defineste normalul. Evident Dumnezeu a fost si este extrem de creativ in Creatia sa. Si brusc noi avem o problema ca unii dintre noi se plac altfel decat am invatat. Nu imi permit sa judec pe cei care fac o astfel de alegere. Si nici sa arunc cu pietre (sounds familiar?) pentru ca poate ma va lovi norocul sa am un copil cu o astfel de inclinatie. Si ce sa ii fac? Sa tin cu voi, acestia care aratati cu degetul? Sau cu copilul meu? Nu suntem in Divergent fratilor: fraction before blood. Oamenii astia sunt exploatati in fel si chip prin tari gen Tailanda, sunt tratati ca niste scursuri si cu ce drept? Sunt exact ca noi doar cu alte preferinte sexuale. Presupun ca un magnat al lumii interlope cu calus in gura, tarat in genunchi printr-o pivnita si batut cu urzica la fundul gol in numele sado-masochismului este o forma acceptata de religie. La fel ca si Swing-ul nu. Familiile alea crestine care si-o trag in grup prin Europa. Si sa nu uit de „relatiile deschise” in care iubim mai multi parteneri deodata. Pentru ca suntem foarte deschisi.

Dragilor, suntem toti atat de perfecti. Ma mir ca nu ne doare. Stati calmi. Cred ca sansele ca populatia globului sa devina gay fara speranta de reproducere sunt mai mici decat varianta Terminator in care robotul de bucatarie takes over the world cand brusc isi da seama ca tocatul legumelor este mult sub talentul lui.

NB. Pentru cei care isi mai amintesc de teoria lui Darwin (un alt necrestin), stiti ca omul se trage din maimuta. Si e bine spus asa. Uite de curand s-a descoperit o specie noua, maimutele Bonobo care si-o trag in familie ca forma de socializare. Deci si daca am involua, tot smecheri am fi. Sexually speaking. 

Hai va pup!
Mela

Monday, October 24, 2016

Pe vremuri, odata.

Si-acum o sa imi sara in cap jumate din FB, taci tu din gura ca esti mica, te plangi la varsta ta? D’apai. Fiecare la varsta noastra ne plangem de ceva si fiecare la varsta noastra stim mai multe decat aia la varsta dinainte si mai putin decat aia la varsta de dupa. Asa ca suck it up and act like a... people! Asa imi place mie sa vorbesc bilingv. Sa stiti ca am avut o perioada cand chiar ma frustram pe treaba asta. Mai auzeam chestii de alea, “nici nu a plecat bine din tara si gata nu ma stie sa vorbeasca bine romaneste” si alea alea.

Ca o mica paranteza, ca nu asta este subiectul discutiei de azi, sa stiti ca daca trecem peste fitzele ignorante cu accent italiano-spaniol si de care o mai fi el (daca se duce careva in Norvegia, Finlanda sau India si invata limba, tot respectful! Poate sa nu mai vorbeasca bine romaneste dupa aia, ii dau eu voie!) Deci dupa cum spuneam daca trecem de fitze, sa stiti ca creierul (nu este cacofonie, nu va mai uitati! Doar pare) asa functioneaza cateodata daca folosesti o a doua limba aproape la fel de mult ca prima si pentru foarte mult timp. El daca nu gaseste un cuvant intr-un dictionar se duce automat in celalalt. Daca as mai fi vorbit si franceza atat de mult pe cat vorbeam odata, as fi fost trilingva probabil.

La catedra de engleza nu era pauza in care sa nu imi bag nasul pe acolo si la fel vorbeau si oamenii aia. Si stiti cine avea o problema cu treaba asta? Nobody!!! Dar fac tot posibilul sa ma abtin cand vorbesc cu oameni care imi dau seama ca nu stiu engleza. Sa va zic una funny. Acum mult ani – ca tot vorbim de timp – au facut astia de la Acasa TV o emisune despre subnumita pentru ca incercam sa strang fonduri sa plec la facultate in State. Another story, for another time. Le zic la toti prietenii mei care au aparut in emisiune, toti studenti pe la “limbi” sau toti “engleji” sa nu le scape vreun anglosaxism din asta pe gura in interviu, sa dam si noi bine pe sticla. Mai si cand credeam ca am sarit hopul si toti s-au comportat 100% Romanian, pe Miha mea o ia entuziasmul, parca o vad si acum gesticuland: “I-am zis Mela, dar nu te-ai saturat, las-o, let it go!” Hahaha. La dracu’ am ratat-o si pe asta. Anyway, hai ca o deviem rau si uit despre ce vorbeam.

Da, vorbeam despre vremurile bune din facultate. Alea cand existau pachete la net pe noapte de 5 ore la vreo 5 lei. Cand exista MIRC si NFS (Need For Speed). Cand in intunericul plin de fum de tigare cu fetele albastrite de la lumina aia puturoasa de monitor, ne zgaiam super concentrati pe boul cu masina verde care ne bate pe toti aruncandu-ne in pereti. “Ba’, care e ma prostul ala cu masina verde? Cine dracu’ conduce ma’ asa! Ai gresit cursa pretene, asta nu e Karate Kid!”







Azi dimineata am vazut niste wallpaper-uri cu Assasins Creed, joculetul ala dupa care s-a facut si film. Bunicica grafica. Si mai bunicei baietasii aia. Yyyyuuummm. Bad ass si good looking. Numai in jocuri. Haha. Mi-am amintit cum jucam Quake. Va mai amintiti de Quake? Da, acestia care sunteti destul de in varsta ca sa va amintiti de Quake si cum spoiam pe toti peretii draciile alea. Quake III era cel mai sangeros. Si dupa aia… Starcraft!S.T.A.R.C.R.A.F.T. “Cand dracu’ ai apucat ma tu sa iti faci atata armata!” Imi amintesc ca era o chestie ca un zeppelin din care ieseau foarte multe nave mici ca niste molii. Daca apucai sa iti construiesti unul de ala, cam scumpicel, dar asta e, jocul se termina. Stai ca bosul cu scobitoarea in gura si urmareai killareala.







Starcraft






Si apoi, Age of Empires. Sa va explic. Erau niste misiuni in joculetul ala. In anul 4 de facultate, iarna dinainte de licenta, ma chinuia talentul sa termin misiunea cu Ioana d’Arc. Scopul era sa cuceresti capitala statului vecin si sa nu iti moara eroul. Adica Ioana. Deci. Pe vreama aia, calculatorul meu era facut de un prieten de la Valcea din bucati. Ii spuneam Prototipul. Si acum il am, si acum merge. Ce stiti voi! Avea 2GB memorie. Adica cat sa tina Word-ul si un joculet. Si un wallpaper probabil haha. Mergea cu discheta (aveam licenta pe vreo 3 sau 4). Cand pornea era la fel ca motorul la tractor. Incet, zgomotos, dar sigur. Iti dai seama ce placa video putea duce baiatul ala. Totul mergea perfect cat adunam lemne, aur, mancare, construiam o baraca, mai mutam doi fraieri mai la stanga. S’apoi hai la lupta.



Mai, era exact cam ca in Evul Mediu. Complet realist. Alora le lua vreo 2 saptamani calare sa ajunga, mie cam 2 ore. Puteam sa gatesc, sa mai invat la vreo doua materii si ajungeau si ei. Cand incepeam sa aud strigate ma mutam la consola. Select all. Aim target. Dai! Vreo 30 minute nu mai intelegeai cine cu cine sa bate. Se suprapuneau luptatorii, mai dam un select all ca sa vad culorile la ai mei, cata viata mai au. Cand brusc ii nenoroceam pe toti (4 ore mai tarziu!) aparea triumfator pe ecran: You Lost! Conquer enemy capital: check. Keep hero alive: DEAD. Cum mama ma-sii sa moara ma! Unde e fraiera aia!!! O caut. Distrusa langa un zid. Cum dracu’ a ajuns acolo!?! Odata, de doua ori! Bai, se apropia licenta si eu tot incercam sa o tin pe fata asta in viata. Se pare ca destinul ei trecuse dincolo de realitate si ramanea neschimbat si in joc. Ce era la gura mea, cred ca s-a invartit in moramant.

In loc sa imi termin de scris lucrarea, ma bateam singura pe calculator. M-am gandit eu. Ia sa las eu fraiera acasa. Fac armata, fac un zid, fac o poarta. O bag pe poarta, distrug poarta, fac un zid. Dupa care mai fac un zid. O selectez. Move forward. Se opreste in gard. Bun! E de bine. Let’s kick some butt!!!! Plec, ajung, nimicesc, astept. Mesaj: Conquer enemy capital: check. Keep hero alive: check! Ioana mea sta in continuare si se uita la zid. You win! Va dati seama ca daca eram in secolul viitor si brusc aveam de-a face cu un Artificial Intelligence being, sarea aia gardul si pleca de nebuna? Norocul meu ca treburile astea se intamplau acum un deceiun haha.

Da mai. Frumos. Frumos, n-am ce zice. Am sters dupa aia jocul ca sa termin si eu facultatea. La masterat mi-am laut o super scula de calculator din primii mei bani pe traduceri. Si dai cu Titans, Lord of the Rings si Sniper. Hai v-o mai zic pe asta si gata. Lord of the Rings era enervant ca trebuia sa apesi prea multe butoane ca sa faca aia 50 de miscari. Dar all in all, era o super grafica, eu am fost si sunt mare fan LOTR, asa ca m-am bagat. Preferatul meu era Gimli. Mic, indesat, sexy din categoria “a face only a mother would love”, bai da’ batea asta la orci de le iesea pe nas. Era o misiune la un moment dat, cand trebuia sa intri “under the mountain”, stiti voi, unde era armata aia de stafii, ticalosi, tradatori, hoti si numai natii bune haha. Eh, secventa aia incepea mereu cu regele care iesea din stanca si intreba suparat “Who dares enter my domain?” N-aveai cum sa sari peste partea aia. Asa de rau mi-o luam la bucata asta ca ajunsesem sa nu mai suport ca de fiecare data sa ma intrebe ala ce caut acolo. Replica perfeta a venit de la un alt prieten care se aseaza odata la jucat. Il aud din bucatarie urland la calculator “Ma’ta mah, pe ma-ta!” Asa a fost pe sufletul meu baiatul asta! Haha.
Titans. Age of Mythology.




LOTR










Sniper.



Deci na. Eu zic sa nu ma apuc de Assasins Creed cam din acelasi motiv de care m-am lasat de seriale. HAVE A LIFE. Daca ma prinde, aleluia hobby. Somn. Viata. Mai bine scriu. Uite, bag asa cate o postare, ma mai ventilez, si imi trece.
Assassins Creed. Looking gooood. 





Hai va pup si spor la o saptamana fara ploaie. Sper.
Mela

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * 

Once upon a time.

And now half of FB is gonna jump at my throat, shut up, you can’t complain at your age, ok? Yeah, really. Each of us, at this age, whatever age that is, have something to complain about and each of us, at this age know more than the ones behind us and less than the ones before us. So, suck it up and act like a … people! I like writing bilingually. The English readers can’t see this haha but in Romanian I always write some words in English. It just comes in handy to me. I kept hearing stuff like, “she hasn’t even left the country yet and she is already forgetting how to speak her native tongue” and all that crap.

Well, as a small parenthesis, ‘cause this is not the main topic of discussion today, know that once we get over the so-called Italian-Spanish “immigrants” of Romanian origin (by the way if anyone immigrated to Norway or Finland or India and learnt their language and messed up Romanian, I wouldn’t mind it at all. Respect for that one buddy!)As I was saying, if we get over the fancy “I’m so Italian now I forget to be Romanian” after just 2 years abroad stuff,  you’d realize that the brain functions this way if you’re using a second language almost as much as you’re using your own. If it doesn’t find a word in one dictionary it will automatically get it from the next one available. If I had spoken French like I used, I’d be trilingual haha.

Every time I snooped in the English Department I’d hear teachers speak the same way. It helped with my frustration, because you know what? Nobody cared!!! But I do try my best to keep my bilingual skills at bay around people who don’t speak English at all. Let me tell you this funny thing. Many years ago – ‘cause we’re talking time here – Acasa TV (quite famous Romanian TV station back in the day) put together a show about me because I was trying to raise funds and go study in the US. That’s another story, for another time. I asked all my friends who showed up in the show, most of them Foreign language students like myself or plane foreigners, to keep their English under control and be 100% Romanian haha. All goes well, all the way to my best buddy Mihaela, who right at the end of her interview she messes it up: "I said Mela, for how long are you gonna do this? I said you have to let it go!” The “let it go” part was in English. She couldn’t help not putting some English into the friggin’ sentence haha. Anyway, we’re majorly deviating from the subject.

Yes, I was talking about the good old days in college. Those days when we could buy “night packages” at the internet café for like 4 bucks. The time when MIRC and Need for Speed existed. When in the darkness, toxic with cigarette smoke, with bluish faces and red eyes from having stared too long in those monitors we’d grin at the asshole riding the green car, beating the crap out of us all, slamming us against the walls. “Who is the idiot driving this thing? Who the fuck taught you to drive like that man! This is a car race not Karate Kid!”

This morning, I saw some Assassins Creed wallpapers, that game they even made a movie after. Pretty good graphic. Pretty hot men. Bad asses and good looking, such a rare thing in reality haha. I remembered how I used to play Quake. Do you remember Quake? Yeah, those of you who are old enough to remember Quake and how we were splashing those creatures everywhere. Quake III was the bloodiest. And then Starcraft! S.T.A.R.C.R.A.F.T. “Who in the fuck came up with this army?” I remember being able to create this machine looking like a zeppelin that would let out many smaller ships looking like moths. If you managed to make one of those, kind of expensive but worthwhile, you could just lay back, chew on your toothpick and watch the slaughter unleash.

And then Age of Empires. Ok, about this. There were some missions in that game. During my senior year in college, the winter before graduation, I was really struggling to finish this Joan d’Arc mission. The goal was to conquer the capital of the enemy state and keep your hero alive. Meaning Joan. So to explain. Back in the day, my computer was made out of parts by a friend in my home town. I had nicknamed it, the Prototype. I still have it and it still works, what do you know! It has 2GB memory, enough to hold Word, a game and probably a wallpaper haha. It worked with floppy disks (my thesis was spread across 3 or 4 of those!). When turned on, it sounded like the engine of a rusty truck. Loud and chocking. You can imagine the kind of video board that computer had. Everything went well as long as I had my people gather wood, food, gold, build a barrack, forge some weapons, move a couple of suckers around. Then built an army. Then let’s fight.

To be more exact it all looked very realistic. Very much like in the Dark Ages. It would take those people about 2 weeks to get there on horse, it would take me about 2 hours to get there on my computer. I could do some dishes and some studying before they got there. When I heard the battle sounds I’d get back to the controls. Select all. Aim Target. Let’s go! For about 30 minutes, you wouldn’t understand much of anything of what was going on. Armies were overlapping, another Select all to see where my people are by color and check on their life status. Then suddenly after a massive destruction (4 hours later!) this message showed up on the screen, triumphantly: You Lost! Conquer enemy capital: Check. Keep hero alive: DEAD. How in the hell is she dead? Where is that bitch!!! Looking for her. Lying dead next to some wall. How the hell did she get there? It happened once, then twice! Graduation was closing in and I was still working on keeping that girl alive. It seems her real destiny had transcended into the game. I had such a foul month when it came to that mission, you wouldn’t believe it.

I had to finish writing my thesis, instead I was beating myself up in front of the computer. So I gave it some thought. Let’s leave this idiot home. I built the army, I made a wall, I made a gate. I made her go through the gate, I took out the gate, built a wall instead. Then another wall. I select her. Move forward. She stops into the wall. Gooood! Let’s kick some butt!!! I leave, I arrive, I slaughter, I wait. Message: Conquer enemy capital: check. Keep hero alive: check. My Joan was still bumping her head against the wall at home. You win!!! You do realize that if I had played this during some Artificial Intelligence era, she would’ve jumped the wall and die again, right? Good thing I was playing this about a decade ago or so haha.

Yeah. Those days were a beauty. I had to delete the game afterwards so I can graduate properly haha. During masters I bought one super computer from my first earnings as a translator. And then go Titans, and Lord of the Rings and Sniper. Let me tell you this one more thing and then I’m done. Lord of the Rings was annoying because you needed a lot of controls for each character but it had pretty good graphic, I was/am a big fan of it so I was in. My favorite was Gimli. Small, round beast with a face only a mother could love haha, but he was kicking some major orc ass! There was this mission where they had to go get the Army Under the Mountain and every time you entered, the Kind would come out of the rock and ask “Who dares enter my domain?” You couldn’t skip that part. It annoyed the hell out of me after a while. One time this gamer friend of mine comes over and starts playing and I hear him roaring from the kitchen, with what I call, best reply to the King “Your momma, idiot, your momma!” haha.

So yeah. I say I should not start playing Assassins Creed for the same reasons I avoid watching TV series. HAVE A LIFE. If it catches me, I’m dead. Bye bye hobbies, sleep, life. I better stick to writing. Like now. Post something really quick, vent it out and then let it go.

Alrighty people, big hugs and have a sunny week!
Mela

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Un Hook Up de Lipeala

Tocmai ce vorbeam de dimineata cu o prietena un pic exasperata ca o alta prietena tot a incercat sa o cupleze si cumva s-a lasat dusa de val, ba chiar incepuse sa ii placa de tip. Ca de fapt sa recidiveze intr-o chestie liceana de prost gust dintr-o lipsa de comunicare. Si acum era iar in coltul ei, intrebandu-se de ce a facut ea chestia asta. Ce, ea nu poate sa isi gaseasca singura pe unul? Adica sa il “miroase” ea, sa il cunoasca si abordeze ea in stilul ei? Cata disperare sau singuratate sa fie la mijloc sa accepti “oferte” third party doar ca sa fi cu cineva. Fata, divortata de un an aproape, timp in care de abia ce isi pune in ordine viata.

N-am inteles niciodata exact de ce lumea vrea sa te “lipeasca” cand esti singur. Numai stati sa lamurim partea cu “singur”. Cand eram singura inainte de maritis, nu interesa pe nimeni de ce n-am prieten. Nu se gasea nici un cunoscut sa zica, “ba’ Mela da’ nu esti si tu cu nimeni?” In cel mai bun caz ma intreba daca imi place de vreunul anume doar pentru ca ajungeam dintr-un motiv sau altul sa petrec mai mult timp cu respectivul sau eram intrebata direct de un individ care dorea sa intre pe linie. In rest, nu se gudura nimeni pe langa mine apasati de greutatea singuratatii mele.

Dar daca esti singur dupa un divort sau ceva de genul, asa dintr-un motiv mai “catastrofal” din punct de vedere social, se schimba placa si mereu sa gaseste vreo ruda sau vreun prieten care sa te puna pe felie cu careva.

Si nu e de acum treaba asta. E demult. Au incercat asta si cu mama. Dar mama, femeie hotarata, cu copil acasa, nu se baga in seama cu vreunul decat daca subnumita la o varsta matura de cam 4 ani nu isi dadea acordul. Ati crede ca de aia a ramas mama singura, ca eu copil mofturos n-am ales nici unul. N-are a face. Am ales pe unul pe care l-am si renegat la primele semne de neseriozitate (desi mi-a luat ceva ani). Si n-a mers nici cu mita sa stiti. Desi, de luat, luam ciocolata dar, cam atat. Aveam un sistem relativ comunist de abordare a situatiei haha.

Eh, la mine la fel. Dupa cum spuneam, cand eram singura n-am vazut pe careva sa se grabeasca sa ma combine. Mama era singura care, din cand in cand si din motive sanatoase, ma mai intreba ce am de gand cu viata mea, mai ales cand fostii colegi, prieteni de o varsta cu mine se casatoreau la un moment dat pe capete. Dupa ce-am divortat s-au inversat polii Pamantului (am detaliat eu pe tema asta "dramatica" intr-o alta postare, aici: The Stigma). Mai in gluma, mai in serios, nici nu trecusera 2 luni si “hai ma sa iti fac cunostinta cu cineva, super baiat!”

Sa ne intelegem. Treaba asta cu divortul nu e o chestie usoara in more ways than one. Dar nici nu e capat de lume. Nu devenim brusc mai inapti in a ne face o relatie. Ah, ca suflam acum si in inghetata, da, poate, o perioada. Ca ni se mai schimba niste standarde, ca mai polisham vreo doua chestii si avem niste pretentii ca doar nu vrem sa trecem de doua ori prin aceesi problema, da. Dar asta nu inseamna ca suntem loviti in aripa si avem nevoie de ajutor.

Zic expertii ca divortul poate fi la fel de dureros ca si moartea cuiva drag din punct de vedere emotional. Si atunci de ce ti-ai indemna prietenii in cauza sa treaca repede la un mood de lipeala dupa o asa experienta? Ala e momentul cand vrei sa nu auzi dracu’ de nici un barbat si de nimic. Sa stai pe treaba ta, sa lingi o rana, sa scoti niste nervi, sa te bati cu pumnul in piept, sa iti iei viata iar in maini, sa schimbi macazul. Da, sunt si oameni care scapati dintr-o casnicie sunt ca baiatul ala Scratt din Ice Age care vede ghinde peste tot. Brusc orizontul s-a largit, gardurile au disparut si hai cu degustatul. Si aia tot o refulare este. Dar de un alt fel. Pe astia nici nu trebuie sa ii ajute nimeni. Se ajuta singuri haha.

Mai sunt si cazuri norocoase cum am patit eu cu omul cu care am stat dupa, a fost ca tratamentul pe rana. Calm, pe treaba lui, fara intrebari, fara exagerari dramatice. Ne-am fost de ajutor unul altuia pentru cat a durat. Foarte frumos si pe de alta parte inca o lectie in viata. Nu toate relatiile sunt facute sa dureze. Unele au un scop, atunci, pe moment.

Barbatii isi gasesc mai usor prietena, sotie, “refulari” dupa divort decat femeile. As fi de accord in mare parte cu chestia asta. Noi ne revenim mai greu emotional. Dar tot nu am nevoie de sustinere sa imi gasesc un barbat. Fundamental, ce am vrut la 18 ani vreau si acum de la o relatie. Tot brunetei cu ochi verzi. Haha. Glumesc (desi sincer nu stiu cat m-as vedea cu un blond; poate doar Brad Pitt, cand era mai tanar, varianta Ahiliana din Troia. Yum!) Doar ca acum, nu mai am rabdare sa tot incerc doar de dragul de a fi cu unul. “Pai ca Mela ala te place!” bravo lui, sanatate curata. Daca mie nu mi se nazare a fi ceva care sa merite macar incercarea, n-are rost mai, n-are rost. E ca mersul la cumparaturi: ma uit la 5 perechi de blugi dar chiar numai pe aia care sunt cei mai cei ii probez. Nu stau sa intru in cabina, da jos toala, mascaradeaza-te in oglinda, pune toala. Nu mai am timp si nervi sa trec prin atatea tatonari. Aleg unu si gata, chiar daca il aleg odata la 1 an jumate. Da’ e recolta proprie si ma spal eu cu el pe cap, ca doar mi l-am ales singura, nu sa mai aud “ba’, pacat. Eu va vedeam impreuna. Da’ lasa ca sigur gasim altceva.”…………………………….
Deci dragilor, toti prietenii mei care sunteti si va stiti, va iubesc. Pana la urma dorinta celor apropiati de a ne vedea cu cineva care sa ne scoata “din transa” vine din grija pe care ne-o poarta. Dar sunt atatea valeitati emotionale la cum se simte cineva care trece printr-o chestie de genul asta, ca daca n-ai trait-o, nu prea ai cum sa o explici si nu intotdeauna reactionam bine cand ni se ofera “ajutor.” Asa ca daca mai dati de cate un “separat”/“divortat” mai sihastru asa, luati-o usor. Tatonati un pic terenul. Daca vedeti cu omu’ pare sa dea semne ca ar vrea, dati-i marul de aur in mana, aliniati pretendentii si hai cu tinta! Daca il vedeti ca evita subiectul si se rusineaza, lasati-l in pace. De unde stiti ca nu ii place deja de cineva si e ocupat ca Vaduva Neagra sa il prinda pe ala la mititica si n-are nevoie de voi chiar acum haha. Sau pur si simplu ar dori unu’ cu vreo 10cm mai inalt decat ce aveti voi la oferta.
E grele cu viata. Dar daca n-am trece prin fiecare zi, de mana si zambind, ar fi si mai naspa.

Hai va pup.
Mela

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The Hook Up

I was talking this morning to a friend of mine driven a bit off the edge because one of her friends was trying to hook her up with some guy and somehow she went with the wave and even started liking the guy. When in fact, after a while the entire thing sort of collapsed in some high school bulshit drama due to lack of communication and basic personality mismatch. So when sitting back in her corner she wondered why the hell did she go for this in the first place. What, she can’t pick a man for herself anymore? Meaning, to “sniff” him herself, to get to know him and approach him in her own sweet time? How desperate and lonely can a girl get to need third party offers only to be with someone? The girl, divorced for about a year, she is now working on putting her life together.

I never really got it why people wanna “hook you up” when you’re single. Let’s define single first. When I was single before getting married nobody cared whether I was seeing someone or not. None of my familiars ever said “so Mela, what’s with the draught? No man, no nothing?” Best case scenario, they’d ask me whether I like someone in particular just because they saw me spending more time with the guy for one reason or another or I was asked directly by a guy interested in being with me. Otherwise, no one really died of anxiety as to why is Mela single.

But, if you’re single following a divorce or anything catastrophically similar that society labels as being fucked up, things turn around big time and suddenly at least one relative or friend jumps to the rescue.

And it has been going on for a while. Long while. They did it with mom too. Still, being a smart tough cookie with a child at home, mom never gave the time of day to any man who wasn’t pre-approved by yours truly at her mature age of about 4 years old. And you’d think that mom stayed single up to now cause I never liked any of them. Far from the truth! I did pick one that I also dismissed many years after when he didn’t prove to be the man I thought he was and felt he was no good for mom. And this didn’t work on bribery, you know. Even though I did take all the chocolate and candy, but never really signed them approval haha. I had quite a communist approach to this!

Well, same happening with me. Like I was saying, when I was single no one hurried to hook me up. Mom was the only one, based on healthy reasons and sincere concern who kept wondering what I plan to do with my life, especially at a time when most of my (same age) friends would get married one after another. After divorcing though, the gravitational poles of the Earth commuted (I detailed a bit about what being divorced means earlier on in a different post, here is the link: The Stigma). Sort of jokingly, but not really, not even 2 months after my divorce they were like “come on, let me introduce you this awesome super guy!”

Let’s get one thing clear. This divorcing thing is not easy in more ways than one. It’s not the end of the world either. We don’t suddenly become incapacitated to form a new relationship. Yeah, we are so much more cautious, and yes, it make take longer than before. Some standards change, we polish some desires and expectations because we don’t want to end up in the same situation as before. But that still doesn’t mean that we’ve been hit with no chance of recovery.

Experts say that from an emotional point of view, divorcing can be just as painful as the death of a loved one. Then why is it thwta you’d want to push someone who has just gone through this experience to start a new thing with someone else? This is the time when they don’t even feel like hearing the word “man” again. You just want to have some time to yourself, lick a wound, yell, laugh and cry, grab hold of your life again and set it in motion onto a new direction. Yeah, there are some people who following a divorce act like that little furry guy in Ice Age, Scratt, who sees acorns everywhere. Suddenly their horizon of possibilities has expanded, no more restrictions, all you can eat buffet! That’s also a form of letting go, just of a different type. Well, at least with these people you don’t have to help. They’ll be helping themselves, thank you! haha

There are some fortunate cases, like my own, where a friend actually hooked me up with a really nice guy, very calm, minding his own business, no drama queen. It was the right treatment for the situation. We helped each other and went it went away because it just went away, we were fine. It was another lesson in life, that sometimes some relationships only happen for a reason, for a certain time. That’s it.

Men seem to find a new girlfriend/wife/open buffet much easier afterwards. I tend to believe that. We have a bit more trouble with our emotional personality. But that still doesn’t mean we need support in finding a man. Fundamentally, what I wanted in a man when I was 18 is what I want in a man now. Tall, brunette with green eyes. Hahaha. I’m kidding! Then again Brad Pitt, his Achillian version in Troy is the only blue eye blond I’d date!Yum! haha). Only that now, I just don’t feel like trying and trying just for the sake of dating. “But Mela, this guy likes you! He’s seen your picture blah bla!” Good for him. But I don’t care to be with someone unless I deem it worthy of my time and emotional investment. It’s a waste of time and it’s useless. It’s like going shopping. I see 5 pair of jeans but I’m only trying on the ones I like most. I’m not going to go in the booth a thousand times, clothes off, try it, stare in the mirror, twist, turn, clothes on and all that crap! I’m gonna pick one guy and that’s it, even if it takes me a year and a half to find him. I can’t go through all the beginner phase anymore. At least it’ll be my pick and whatever happens it will be on me from beginning to the end and it will spare of further comments of “yeah, so bad, I really though you guys looked good together. Maybe next time!...........................”

My dear friends, all of you, you know who you are – I love you! At the end of the day if our loved ones want to help us get out of what they seem loneliness, it’s because they care and worry. But there are so many emotional nuances to what a separation involves that unless you went through one, it can’t really be described. So next time you find a “divorced monk/nun”, take it easy. Take some time and see if hinting works and they seem responsive to suggestions. If they do, go right ahead, have them hold the golden apple and then line up those fine specimens ready to be struck by luck! If they avoid the subject and seem embarrassed and shy with it, let them be. Who knows, maybe they’re already on to someone and just like the Black Widow they’re building their net to catch the poor bastard! Haha Or maybe your “offer” is about 5 inches shorter than what they have in mind.

Life is a tough call. But as long as we’re walking hand in hand and smiling, we still have a chance to make it good.

Kisses,
Mela




Tuesday, August 30, 2016

Motherhood. The Other Side. Chapter III.


Abandonment(ality)


Child abandonment occurs when a parent, guardian, or person in charge of a child either deserts a child without any regard for the child's physical health, safety or welfare and with the intention of wholly abandoning the child, or in some instances, fails to provide necessary care for a child living under their roof.

In a nutshell, abandonment happens when:
  •          Leaving an infant on a doorstep, in a trash can, or on the side of the road
  •          Being absent from the home for a period of time long enough to create substantial risk of harm to a child left in the home
  •     Leaving a child with another person without providing for the child’s support, and with no meaningful communication with the child or caregiver for a period specified by statute, usually three months
  •          Failing to maintain regular visitation with a child for a period of at least six months
  •          Making only token efforts to support and communicate with a child
  •          Refusing, or being unwilling, to provide supervision, care, and support for a child
  •          Failing to participate in a parenting plan or program designed to reunite the parent with the child
  •          Failing to respond to official notice of child protective or child custody proceedings

Abandonment Types
The National Child Abuse and Neglect Data System groups child abandonment with maltreatment and neglect. The caregiver's inability to give children necessary and age-appropriate care, even when the family has the resources and financial income to provide the care, qualifies as neglect under most state laws. The types of child neglect include physical, educational, medical and emotional or psychological. Failure to give children adequate food, shelter and the lack of proper supervision come under the category of physical neglect. Medical abandonment includes the neglect of important medical and mental health treatment. Adults unable or unwilling to see children receive an education can be charged with educational neglect under federal law. Emotional abandonment includes neglect of the child's basic emotional needs, failure to provide psychological services and allowing children to abuse drugs and alcohol.

Abandonment Causes
The causes for child abandonment are complex. Poverty, lack of education, cultural values and low levels of standard care for the community all contribute to abandonment. Mental and physical illness of either the child or parents occasionally lead to abandonment. Adults sometimes lack information or the education to identify medical problems, for example, and cultural differences lead some parents to fail to send children to school. Parents unable to care for themselves because of drug or alcohol abuse frequently also fail to care for children. Each type of child abandonment has specific reasons, but most cases of abandoned children involve the interaction between a number of causes. The common element in abandonment cases is the parent's personality and the lack of sound psychological and parenting development, according to childhood development researchers Jay Belsky and Joan Vondra.


Physical abandonment

Quoting Psychology Today, when children are raised with chronic loss, without the psychological or physical protection they need and certainly deserve, it is most natural for them to internalize incredible fear. Not receiving the necessary psychological or physical protection equals abandonment. And, living with repeated abandonment experiences creates toxic shame. Shame arises from the painful message implied in abandonment: "You are not important. You are not of value." This is the pain from which people need to heal.

For some children abandonment is primarily physical. Physical abandonment occurs when the physical conditions necessary for thriving have been replaced by:
  •          lack of appropriate supervision
  •          inadequate provision of nutrition and meals
  •          inadequate clothing, housing, heat, or shelter
  •          physical and/or sexual abuse
·        Children are totally dependent on caretakers to provide safety in their environment. When they do not, they grow up believing that the world is an unsafe place, that people are not to be trusted, and that they do not deserve positive attention and adequate care.
Emotional Abandonment
Although the child abandonment laws describe certain acts that constitutional non-physical abandonment of children, the truth is, emotional abandonment is subjective. Any act or failure to act that leaves a child feeling unwanted, discarded, or insecure may be considered emotional abandonment under the laws of child safety and welfare.

Experts in child psychology have found that, in a child’s eyes, abandonment is more about the parent’s absence and failure to communicate or take an active role in his life, than any financial considerations. Many children feel it is their fault, and experience feelings of low self worth and shame. Because emotional abandonment by a parent has the potential to cause a lifetime of issues for the child, it is taken very seriously by the courts.

Emotional abandonment occurs when parents do not provide the emotional conditions and the emotional environment necessary for healthy development. I like to define emotional abandonment as "occurring when a child has to hide a part of who he or she is in order to be accepted, or to not be rejected."

Having to hide a part of yourself means:
  •          it is not okay to make a mistake.
  •          it is not okay to show feelings, being told the way you feel is not true. "You have nothing to cry about and if you don't stop crying I will really give you something to cry about." "That really didn't hurt." "You have nothing to be angry about."
  •          it is not okay to have needs. Everyone else's needs appear to be more important than yours.
  •     it is not okay to have successes. Accomplishments are not acknowledged, are many times discounted.
Other acts of abandonment occur when:

  •         Children cannot live up to the expectations of their parents. These expectations are often unrealistic and not age-appropriate.
  •         Children are held responsible for other people's behavior. They may be consistently blamed for the actions and feelings of their parents.
  •         Disapproval toward children is aimed at their entire beings or identity rather than a particular behavior, such as telling a child he is worthless when he does not do his homework or she is never going to be a good athlete because she missed the final catch of the game.   
Many times abandonment issues are fused with distorted, confused, or undefined boundaries such as:

  •     When parents do not view children as separate beings with distinct boundaries
  •        When parents expect children to be extensions of themselves
  •     When parents are not willing to take responsibility for their feelings, thoughts, and behaviors, but expect children to take responsibility for them
  •        When parents' self-esteem is derived through their child's behavior
  •     When children are treated as peers with no parent/child distinction

Abandonment plus distorted boundaries, at a time when children are developing their sense of worth, is the foundation for the belief in their own inadequacy and the central cause of their shame.

Abandonment experiences and boundary violations are in no way indictments of a child's innate goodness and value. Instead, they reveal the flawed thinking, false beliefs, and impaired behaviors of those who hurt them. Still, the wounds are struck deep in their young hearts and minds, and the very real pain can still be felt today. The causes of emotional injury need to be understood and accepted so they can heal. Until that occurs, the pain will stay with them, becoming a driving force in their adult lives.

Famous abandonment cases

Source: Wkipedia

The Osaka child abandonment case was a case of child abandonment involving two abandoned children in Osaka, Japan. It occurred in late June 2010 when Sanae Shimomura, a 23-year-old Japanese single mother in Osaka, sealed the door of her apartment shut, abandoning 3-year-old daughter Sakurako Hagi and 1-year-old son Kaede Hagi inside. Neighbors heard the children crying over many weeks until it suddenly subsided, but did not think anything more of this than simply children in a bad childhood phase. Since Shimomura did not come to work for several days, a colleague went to her place and noticed a strange smell beyond the door. When the police entered the apartment, they found the two children dead. Social workers had attempted to stop by the apartment several times over the course of the children's confinement, but never found anyone home. The apartment was in a lively, populated area, but nobody knew that the children were confined.
Shimamura was arrested on 30 July 2010. She was reported to have wanted free time for herself and was quoted as saying that she had grown "tired of feeding and bathing" her two children on her own.


Source: Seattle Times

Police said the stench of feces, human and cat urine and rotting food was overwhelming, causing one officer’s eyes to water.

Inside, the home was dirty and in “extreme disarray,” filled with dirty diapers, excrement, food wrappers, broken toys, dirty clothes and garbage, police wrote. The walls were covered by children’s drawings, the kitchen was blocked by a clothes dryer and some areas were so filled with bags that there was only a small path through the room, the affidavit says.

There was no heat and no food in the house, police said. Police said the 11-month-old baby was found locked in an upstairs room that was separate and unreachable by his siblings, and that the infant was barely responsive to touch. He had a core body temperature of 94 degrees and was undernourished and dehydrated, police said. Police said it was not known how long the children had been left alone.

In a statement released Wednesday, the state Department of Social and Health Services, which oversees CPS, said the children have since been placed in a foster home.

Cases of “obscure” boundaries and “curiosities” as per child abandonment.

Source: Winnipeg Free Press, article by Mike McIntyre

A Winnipeg woman who left her six-year-old child alone in a locked home for 90 minutes has been found not guilty of child abandonment.

The mother, who isn’t being named to protect the identity of the boy, learned her fate on Friday afternoon. Provincial court Judge Margaret Wiebe said the woman clearly made a poor choice, but that doesn’t automatically make it criminal. "It was an unacceptable reason to leave a child alone. It was poor judgment," said Wiebe. But the judge said the mother clearly had "no fear" of her son being at risk, which is a key issue needed to prove the charge. "This was an active, bright young child left in a well-kept home with no evident or immediate danger," said Wiebe.

The facts of the case were not in dispute. The boy was home alone on a summer afternoon, surrounded by food, water and a television to keep him company. He suffered no harm. Police found the boy in the home, eating pudding and doing a puzzle while watching television. He appeared happy, court was told.

Police had been called when the boy’s father – who had recently ended the marriage with his wife – saw her driving alone. He called the house, where his son answered. The mother told police she had been "stressed" because she needed to pick up medication and see a couple of clients while working as a health-care aide. She had no family in Winnipeg and decided to leave her son for a short period of time to run a few errands.

Under the Criminal Code, the charge is met when a child under the age of 10 is left alone and has his or her "life or health endangered." And that's where the lines blur, with Crown and defence lawyers having different views of whether that subjective legal test has been met. "Even in a home environment, that child was endangered," prosecutor Nancy Fazenda argued last month. "There doesn't necessarily have to be a negative consequence."

The mother has lost care of her child, who is being raised by his father. The parents are separated, court was told. Child and Family Services is also involved in the case, and she hasn't seen the boy since her arrest more than 18 months ago. Fazenda argued another element of the charge has been satisfied by the fact the mother chose to leave the boy alone, rather than responding to an emergency that altered her plans. "There's no question it was a deliberate act, that she meant to leave the child," said Fazenda.

Journal of Medical Ethics by S. Giordano

It may be argued that egg and sperm donation is a form of child abandonment, this paper deals with people who either procreate or adopt a child with the aim of having and raising a child, not with people who donate or sell their gametes for others to have children. To donate gametes for others to have children amounts to allowing those people to have children whom they could not have otherwise, to provide others with the means to procreate, but does not amount to abandoning children. Child abandonment would happen if those who brought the child into being subsequently abandoned him or her.

Putting children up for adoption is also not a form of child abandonment, as we shall see in the section on unwanted babies. Clearly, my stance partly rests on the value I attach to intentions. Intentions (ie, what people want to do and the purposes for which they do what they do), as we shall see later, matter in these cases. Nobody can be forced to raise an unwanted child - but there are ways of delegating parental responsibility that are not criminal or ethically questionable. Intending to make a child with the aim of bringing a new person into the world seems to carry a stringent responsibility both towards the child and towards the person with whom the child is conceived.

Termination of Parental Rights

Parents have a constitutionally protected right to raise, protect, and educate their children. Such rights generally include physical custody of the child, the right to prevent adoption of a child, the right to educate and discipline the child, and the right to control and manage the minor child’s income and property. When parents fail to provide for the child’s welfare and safety, however, their rights to parent the child may be terminated by the court.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

I chose to put all these facts ahead of my own opinion because I have been quite taken aback by what I discovered when researching this topic. My ideas were very poor as was my imagination as to why people abandon children. Or the absolutely incredible reasons and ease with which they do it. As every one of you out there, I could sum up a short list of things that could make someone give up their kids.

Poverty, financial problems, depression, mental illnesses, utter feeling of being overwhelmed and in lack of family support and possible education, they run away from such a huge responsibility. From leaving kids in orphanages, in hospital beds right after giving birth to them, to throwing them in trash cans wrapped in garbage bags or leave them for dead in public toilets where they brought them to life, I could think of all these paranormal things that I’ve heard people do. I can’t understand it. I can’t even try to understand but I have read and know for a fact stuff like this happens. My mom has been a nurse for 35 years and is currently working in the maternity ward and she can come up with some disturbing stories.

And still. I mean a huge still. All these cases that I mostly knew of involved the aftermath of birth. I hardly ever thought that once you have about 2 to 4 or 5 kids that have already reached ages of ten, you can actually just get up and leave. I read an article where the father brought his 9 (NINE!!!) kids to a local hospital and left them there saying he has had enough and vanished. Just. Like. That. I am really really refraining myself from judgment into wondering how in the hell did he come up with 9 kids if you know you have no money and possibility of any other kind to raise them.

I want, I want to believe – and please tell me if I’m totally bulshiting myself on this one with unicorn fairy tale dreams! – that if a poor family who has had, let’s say 3 kids already, goes to a family planning facility and says, “listen, we are not the most educated, but we are honest people, make an honest living and 3 kids is already more than we can handle. We would like to control this.” And thus said, they would not be given any help. Like NO help at all. I doubt that. Ok. I am aware that perhaps in the farthest corners of the world where people struggle even for water, birth control seems 24th century light years away from any of their daily ordeals. But then again if we don’t provide them with this kind of assistance as well then we shouldn’t wonder why we see kids dying of starvation on the streets. By the time we intervene it is too late. Anyway. This stands for a different discussion because living conditions, education and so on in these areas do not help in the least to contain the numbers of homeless, sick, starving children or adults as a matter of fact.

Let’s just keep to the societies where help does exist. The cases I presented above. Those were women who knew exactly what was going on. I read about this one other woman living in Canada, who decided to leave on vacation for 7 days and left her two toddlers in the house alone with just a bottle for each. When she came back she found one of them dead, put him in a plastic bag and threw him out and then left for another 4 days back on vacation. Second one died and the landlord following the stench called the police. COME ON! Mental illness?! You’ve had these kids for a couple of years now! You just became mentally ill suddenly? You went in full depression mode and left on vacation? I am no councilor, but I thought depressed people harmed themselves, drew themselves from the world, but not on vacation! Or perhaps, she just blocked her motherhood away and suddenly decided she deserves this. But still. I don’t know, I can’t understand how you can just leave and rationally know there is no way in hell your kids will survive on their own!

On the other hand, abandonment legislation, covering such a delicate situation where abandonment stands for more issues than just one, can be quite tricky in untangling. That woman leaving her 10 year old with everything he needed to go pick up medication? I wouldn’t call it abandonment. Mom left me to go buy stuff many times. Of course there are knives and dangerous stuff in the bathroom to be ingested and windows to be opened and gas to be turned on in the stove. I never touched it. I was afraid ‘cause mom told me so many times how dangerous they all are and she also kept her promise and came back when she said she would so I always felt safe and stayed put. You can’t keep her from seeing her child for 18 months because of stuff like this!!!

If you have this kind of approach to a woman missing for an hour then what do you do about this one other case I read about where again the mother just left her 4 kids ages 4 to 15 for nine months! Her first born was killed by some friends of the second child and this second child helped bury his sister’s body. When police found them and placed them in social care she turned herself in. Her second child was also convicted of body abandonment but due to the circumstances he was put in a special juvenile facility. The mother, after serving two years in prison, came back and was granted custody of her two remaining kids. What the fuck!?! Really?!

And then. Ok. It never crossed my mind that someone would ever look at sperm/egg donation as child abandonment. And talking about putting kids for adoption as mentioned in Chapter II; now this is also child abandonment?! I secretly wonder how that man who proclaimed so much that a raped woman can give her child for adoption would react if I told him that she would be abandoning her child?! Haha. Figure this shit out now smarty pants!

This is the last Chapter of the Motherhood. The Other Side. Trilogy. And believe me I never expected it to be the sickest one. I read the articles, I read police archives and hospital staff statements. But I could not look at the pictures of babies found thrown away. It just made me throw up. Please make up your mind of what you want to do! Keep it, don’t keep it, have him, give him away for adoption or raise it. But do not abandon them this way! 

I never thought acts of cruelty such as this happened. None of the articles stated whether the mothers had been diagnosed with a mental illness or drug abuse or anything that would remotely justify their actions. From where I stand, they would be the only real reasons behind leaving your kids to die. It’s true. I will never be able to understand what someone goes through, even when asking for help and being provided none. I am sure there are many cases when society gives families in need the cold shoulder. But when you turn your back and leave and turn that key into the lock, after having raised, fed and rocked to sleep these kids for years, doesn’t it hurt you beyond reason, breaking through your ribs and ripping through your heart, to let them die? And even if you feel there is no way out and the world really goes that dark, would you prefer they die alone or with you? As captain to your family perhaps you should go down with the ship and the crew. I don’t wish to sound dramatic. It is a very very sad fact for me. For the kids and the parents and unfortunately I don’t hold the key to their problems. But is there really nothing that can be done?