Thursday, July 3, 2014

Days of our Lives: Part III - The Devil's Rib and her "Owner"

Question is: do I really want to get into this? Well, a girl’s gotta do what a girl’s gotta do. Now: how can one be objective treating this topic? Men and women. Women and men. To an extent the society has become so paranoid that even wording has a major impact so I will just do both versions to avoid a good beating right from the beginning.

Of course the general tendency is to hold on to my “species” and Eve’s damned side, but let’s admit it ladies: “Cu rau e rau, dar fara rau e si mai rau.” (“It’s hard with evil but it’s even harder without it” – Romanian saying). And I think it goes both ways – that devil’s rib missing from your body gents, it was placed there for a reason haha. I know you miss it!

I will utter one perfect word in theory, an almost impossible if not incredibly difficult to achieve in real life, so difficult that it sounds almost idealistic: balance.

Are men better than women? Yes, in some aspects. Are women better than men? Yes, in some aspects. Where is the difference then? In a religious/social and historical precedent created in time I believe. Is one side better than the other? I think they complete each other. That’s where the balance lies, otherwise God would have just made men or only women. Or in Darwin’s theory we would have all stayed monkeys and never evolve to a better understanding and therefore we wouldn’t go through all this trouble now of hierarchy and role play in everyday life.

The woman has always been required to be submissive, obedient, to keep her mouth shut, never challenge her husband, never stand up, never stand out, yet she was always expected to be hard working, witty, enduring and if need be courageous out in the open and ready to take on the chores of a man and raise a family on her own if the man was gone. And there were a few women out there who bent and broke the rules and fought, and ruled and cursed and amazed the world of men; and intriguingly so, most men found their admirable strength and stubbornness exceptionally attractive. (It’s the devil’s rib curse haha)

Note: For those of you who don’t know what this whole devil’s rib story is, there’s a Romanian saying related to Eve’s creation. As you know, it is said Eve was created by God from one of Adam’s ribs. Our people says that that was the Devil’s rib, because well, we’re the deceiving creatures who allured innocent Adam into the apple trap remember? So that rib must’ve been the evil rib in him, that’s why we probably turned so mischievous. I say we got all the benefits. Not everyone can be perfect like Adam. Someone has to be the bitch! Hahaha Just kidding. But that’s how the Devil’s rib legend goes.

The man has always been required to feed the family, act like the head of the clan, defend and sacrifice for his own, provide financially and lead his legacy into the future. Now, women of course interpret these  general/society accepted expectations. Women expect men to provide for the family but not just financially, but also in feelings, to defend them but not foolishly and out of the selfish male pride of showing off and to lead a legacy into the future that will bear their names with the fine memory of a great father who was also a teacher, a loving husband and a role model to his children. And men go: “Sure! I do all that!” Actually “I would do that if you stopped nagging me and tell me what to do, woman!”

But do we actually try to tell you, men, what to do, or do we try to warn/advise/council you and hopefully refrain you from doing something stupid when you are most impulsive and stubborn? Let’s just underline before anything that we’re talking general lines here, not exceptions. This can easily go both ways. As they say “padure fara uscaturi nu exista” (“no garden without its weeds”), so don’t fire up. We, women, can be devilish and vengeful and hysterical and hormonal and you have to pin us into a corner and put some sense into our heads. It all depends on how we interpret these actions. We want to see them as controlling or as directions? “Tonul face muzica” (“The tone makes the music”) – this aspect surely helps when "counciling" and it's valid for both our brothers and sisters.

Going back to the understanding of play roles of both men and women. My personal view: women have not been left on earth to have kids, cook and go to church to be forgiven for their sins and men surely were not born to simply rule, die fighting (unreasonably and unecessarily sometimes!) and struggle endlessly to prove their status in society through image, finance and the “harem” they own. The basic rules from Middle Ages have changed slightly. Slightly to the extremes sometimes.

Now we have feminists asking that men be banished from women’s life, pleading that equal rights it’s a must, but applying this theory in reality looks more like an open war filled with traps, false imagery and sabotage at every step on both sides. Hell if I know who I’m dating today! We’re all holograms of whom we want to be. And hell if anyone cares to dig deeper and find out who you really are. We are afraid, they are afraid. We need to be strong, they need to be stronger. All because society has changed and we all want equal rights. But who is society? Well, it’s us. Unless my cat also has the right to come up with rules applicable to the humans. We are society: the upper, middle and lower classes, the church, the social trend setters, the philosophers, the theorists, the know-it-all. Who makes the rules? God, to a certain point most likely. But He has given us free will and we’re fucking with it big time. All this is our choice: how we declare who we are, who we pretend to be. And what we expect from ourselves and the others.

So perhaps I don’t want to be treated like a household slave just because you bring more money at home. I am not a brainless twit with a fertile womb. If we have kids together I still expect you to help me raise them and get involved in their play time and education not just give me the money for pampers, groceries and pay for a nanny. I can do that too. And if we decide on things together don’t go acting as if we’ve never discussed anything just because you changed your mind and I have to go with it. And don’t go act like I am a total bitch just because I am trying to communicate.

Personally, I consider the most urgent matter to be addressed in our relationship with men is communication. They rarely do it, we do it all the time. If I am afraid to speak my mind – not rudely and controlling – just simply say the things I want to my man, then I’m in trouble. If I were to be afraid of saying something knowing there’s always a pending risk of him twisting my words, misinterpreting them or simply not really caring to listen then I’d be on my way. And if I ask a question to which you, man, know I won’t like the answer, choose wisely: Option A. Look me in the eye and lie to me. Option B. Look me in the eye and tell me the truth knowing I’m not going to like it. Option C. Try and mislead me. Option A may work for a while. I am here to believe you not to live in mistrust. But it won’t hold forever and it’s more aggravating towards the end. Option C is probably not going to work and if it does, it’s only because I let you, thinking you need more time to give me the right answer. Option B is what I prefer. Of course you need to buckle up and take a deep breath of air ‘cause I might explode. But once the fire burns out I will become reasonable and discuss things reasonably. And no, we don’t explode as often and as repeatedly as you’d like to think. We might not even explode at all, but there's a risk. It’s always easier to assume the other one will "kill" you and “out of fear” and “because you hate it” you should avoid confronting them with the truth all together. I always try to do this - and it took me years and it still messes with my blood pressure - but I’ve wasted so much time before trying to go about the real deal, avoid, duck and blend the truth in nicely wrapped words thinking that’s what people like and want to hear and that’s less harmful. Well, we’re not meant to make people happy, we’re meant to be who we are and they either like it or not. As far as I’m concerned it applies to us humans relating in general and it applies to relationships especially. And not only.

Beyond the romantic relationship, men and women work together. Of course there are women who build an empire of power around them just to make a point to men and they turn into some sour bitches. And then there are women who have an incredible drive and intelligence making room for themselves in the (still!) world of men and they get the respect they deserve from their male peers. Same goes for men. There are still men who hire women because of their looks and remember them by their boob size not their names. And there are men who will kick you out no matter how good looking if your brains don’t inspire them in the least.

To conclude with, from my side, I can say that the traditional gaps between men and women now are finally closing a bit. They are not what they used to be, but it’s work in progress nonetheless. Women still earn less than men even though they work just as hard and can occupy similar positions. They marry later and have children later in life. Men on the other hand have taken more and more responsibilities in the household and are more involved in caring for the children without thinking it is “beneath” them. On the other hand there are still women who consider that being a home-stay mom is the norm and that the father must work and provide for the family. As are men who still resent that their women make more money than they do.

I for one am happy and find it encouraging to see a father taking maternity leave and stay home with their child if for example, he earns less than his wife so that the wife can work and so the family is better secured financially. And he appreciates the opportunity and doesn’t think it’s “emasculating” for him. This whole emasculating thing is almost as complex and harmful as “the size” issue. It’s in some men’s blood!

I find strength in men fascinating. And I don’t mean body building kind of strength; but that one muscle to the head that takes longer to develop but that when fully matured can offer incredible satisfaction. It’s called the brain. And both species need it. It’s the most powerful aphrodisiac as far as I’m concerned. I mean the “animal” can look awesome but if he/she “wonders in the dark”, it’s kind of a turn off haha

Well, I could go rambling about this for hours. Pros and Cons and full scale debates. I’m not here to make a point but only to observe things and express my point of view. I will never say I can do without men. You guys are funny, intelligent, strong willed and essentially stubborn, but lovable if there’s a limit. I enjoy standing in the shadow of a great man, it doesn’t “emasculate” me (yes, some women have balls too gents. Sorry.) In fact I take pride in my man as long as he remembers me standing there ready to support him if he stumbles and he’s there for me if I stumble. It’s simple in theory, but obviously we fail a lot at it. Don’t lose hope though. There is always more to learn about our limits, expectations and rules of adjustment. We’re not outcast for being single mothers/fathers/divorced/gay or lesbians. Each to their own and judgment shouldn’t come easily. Some lives are lived that way and each of our “normality” can change in a blink, so always make room for the unexpected.

Hopefully you don’t want to call me right after reading this and yell at me or something haha. Or write comments that will force me to block you haha. But do speak your mind. Obviously my male friends are more than welcome to jump to their rescue and that of their brothers.

Hugs and kisses! 

PS: A few random pictures that I somehow relate to this blog. Enjoy :)

Men and women can make great teams if they want to.
Ah. Needs no comment.
He holds them both but she ensures his balance
Do things together as often as you can, especially now that we have so little time for ourselves and loved ones.
It has always been this way.
We've seen this too many times. COMMUNICATE PEOPLE! Talk to each other! All problems have a solution. And where there are no words to heal the anger, there is a hug and a kiss and then words will come. Damn it! Have courage!
But  when it happens - it is wonderful! :)
A healthy gender education since we're young could change the odds of our mature life, deciding whether we want to build things alone or we'll trust another to accompany us in the process. Sometimes renewed trust actually as we might have to try several times.
I love father and kids time together!
It's that kind of trust and openness that we need.
I love this picture. It is essentially who we are and the main purpose of our existence. Beyond what we can do and how much we can fight and what we can earn, or how equals we can be. At least for me.

What if we were all doctors but had no nurses? Get it? hehe
Another one of my favorites.
Now this! hahaha. His face is precious!
Look at her face: Boy, I'm gonna slap you if you keep doing that!
As long as competition is fun and not harmful, it's always welcome.
No visible differences. I bet thery're all good at different or similar things. 

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